FAQ

MCFD policy requires that computers used by children and youth in care be kept in a central location, such as the kitchen or living room, rather than in a child’s bedroom. A shared, visible space makes it easier to be aware of what a child is doing online without checking on them intrusively.

As a prudent parent, you are expected to monitor computer use and be aware of the websites and content children access. This does not mean reading every message, but being a reasonably informed, attentive presence: keeping the computer in a common area, being available when children are online, knowing which platforms and games they use, having age-appropriate conversations about what they do online, and setting household expectations about screen time and account privacy.

Source: Foster Family Handbook

Children in care can be more vulnerable online than their peers, so online safety is worth taking seriously without restricting access entirely. The most useful conversations are ongoing and matter-of-fact rather than one-time warnings. Helpful topics include not sharing personal information with people they don’t know, recognising when online contact feels uncomfortable or pressuring and telling a trusted adult, understanding that people online are not always who they say they are, the permanence of images and messages shared online, and what to do if they encounter something upsetting.

If you are concerned that a child is engaging in risky online behaviour, is being contacted by unknown adults, or has accessed content that suggests exploitation or harm, talk to the child’s social worker. Document what you observed, including dates and what you saw, as part of your caregiver records.

Source: Foster Family Handbook

The family care rate is the monthly payment you receive to cover the regular, ongoing costs of raising a child in care. It is meant to reimburse the full range of ordinary costs and is budgeted across the year and across placements. It covers the child’s share of food, household costs and wear and tear, and day-to-day transportation; health and personal care items; clothing and clothing repairs; equipment for basic care and for sports and hobbies; family recreational outings; a personal spending allowance for the child; child minding while you are away on child-related business; gifts and ongoing creative, cultural, and physical activities; and all primary and secondary school costs.

The Handbook is clear that you should not end up out of pocket as a result of your work as a foster caregiver. If the regular rate is genuinely insufficient for a particular child’s needs, speak with your resource social worker about supplementary supports and exceptional payment options.

Source: Foster Family Handbook

The amount of funded relief depends on your home level. For Kinship (Restricted), Regular, and Level 1 family care homes, up to three days of relief per month can be claimed using a billing or payment form. For Level 2 and Level 3 homes, up to three days per month are covered within the service payment under the Family Care Home Agreement.

If you need more than the standard three days a month, because of a significant change in your circumstances such as illness, divorce, or family crisis, or because the child has extraordinary and demanding needs, supplementary relief may be available. Talk with your resource social worker about what is happening; approval is assessed case by case. If relief alone is not enough to address stress or burnout, ask about homemaker services or other professional support.

Source: Foster Family Handbook

You are expected to plan and arrange periodic relief on a schedule that works for you and the child. Ideally it happens in your own home, as that is least disruptive; otherwise it takes place in the home of an approved relief care provider. The best time to identify potential providers, such as relatives or trusted family friends, is during your home study assessment, when they can be screened and approved alongside you. If you have difficulty arranging relief, contact your resource social worker for help.

Relief providers are usually approved foster parents from a local roster, but sometimes it is in the child’s best interest to stay with unapproved relatives or adults already known to them. If you plan to use a provider who is not an approved foster parent, discuss it with the child’s social worker and your resource social worker before the arrangement begins, so the necessary screening and approvals can be completed first. Providers must be at least 19, and any relief lasting over 14 days requires approval from both the child’s social worker and your resource social worker.

Source: Foster Family Handbook

Although the terms are often used interchangeably, they mean different things in foster care. Relief is overnight care of a child in foster care, usually one to three days, provided either in your own home or in the home of a relief care provider; it is for foster caregivers who need a break. Respite is out-of-home care provided or funded as a service to a child’s parents under a Support Services Agreement, so it supports families rather than caregivers.

Taking relief is an expected and supported part of fostering, not a sign of struggling. It is a planned part of sustaining a healthy, stable home, and all approved Family Care Homes may provide respite care for families in their community as well as relief care for other foster caregivers.

Source: Foster Family Handbook

“Connect, then correct” — also called regulation before reasoning — means that when a child is dysregulated, you focus first on safety, calming the nervous system, and reconnection, and only address the behaviour afterward. The teaching still happens, but it happens once the child is in a position to take it in. In the moment, that means bringing your own calm into the room, reducing noise and demands, offering brief reassurance like “I’m here” or “you’re safe,” and staying present even if the child is pushing away.

What not to try in the moment: “Stop that right now,” “you know better,” or “why did you do that?” — these tend to escalate things and deepen shame, because the part of the brain that would respond isn’t online. A reframe that often shifts what you do next: the child isn’t giving you a hard time, they’re having a hard time. The goal isn’t to make the moment stop; it’s to be present in a way that lets the child’s nervous system catch up to the fact that the current moment is safe.

Source: CFS Trauma-Informed Practice Notes

When the survival brain is activated, the most useful thing you can do is bring calm into the room. This isn’t the moment to discuss, correct, or reason — it’s the moment to help the body settle. Stay calm and keep your voice soft, reduce noise and demands, offer simple reassurance like “you’re safe” or “I’m here,” and give space if needed while staying nearby. Focus on calming the body, not on correcting the behaviour.

Your own regulation is one of the most powerful tools you have here. A child’s nervous system reads the nervous system of the adult in front of them, and a calm adult helps a dysregulated child settle in a way words alone cannot. So it’s worth checking how you’re showing up — a slow breath, a lowered voice, or a brief pause before responding is part of helping the child.

Source: CFS Trauma-Informed Practice Notes

When the survival brain takes over, the signs are usually visible: sudden outbursts or aggression, running or hiding, shutting down or “checking out,” fast breathing or appearing panicked, difficulty following directions, or an overreaction to a small everyday situation. These can happen quickly and without warning, and they often seem out of proportion to whatever just happened — because the survival brain is responding to cues from past experience, not only to the current moment.

These responses are sometimes summarised as fight, flight, freeze, or shutdown, and a child may shift between them. None of them are choices. They’re the body’s automatic protective responses from a part of the brain that operates faster than thought. Reading it this way doesn’t mean ignoring the behaviour — it means meeting the survival response first and addressing the rest later, when the child can take it in.

Source: CFS Trauma-Informed Practice Notes

A helpful summary in this work is “it’s not won’t — it’s often can’t.” When a child’s brain is in survival mode, they cannot, in that moment, reason, plan, follow multi-step instructions, or take in correction. The capacity isn’t there because the part of the brain that handles those tasks isn’t currently in the driver’s seat — so the reaction usually isn’t a choice or intentional misbehaviour.

A practical question to ask yourself in the moment is: “Which part of the brain seems to be leading right now — survival, emotional, or thinking?” If the child’s body is activated, treating the behaviour as a choice and responding with consequences, lectures, or pressure won’t produce the outcome you’re hoping for, because their brain isn’t in a position to learn from those things yet.

Source: CFS Trauma-Informed Practice Notes